İstanbul / Kumburgaz UFO’s and ALIENS ARE BACK in 2008! from fox mulder on Vimeo.
Please don’t feed the conspiracy!
You humans are all abuzz about this series of UFO videos out of Turkey. . .As far as videos go, this one is interesting, but if you are looking for the most compelling evidence that beings from other worlds walk among you, they need not look any further than YouTube, specifically this guy.
I know how much you humans hate telemarketer calls and spam emails. I have also heard that (most) of you also dislike probes, particularly of the anal variety.
That got me to thinking. . . perhaps we could start a “Do Not Probe List” to which AlienZoo inhabitants can submit their names. Anal probes are not as common now as they once were, but from time to time, a visiting being or two has been known to run some tests and it’s not always enjoyable if you happen to be one of the humans selected to be a test subject.
So without further ado, add your name to the “Do Not Probe List” and (hopefully) we can prevent unwanted probes in the future.
Fill in your name and email (see above) - that’s it!
Please don’t feed the conspiracy!
While it is true that Pink Floyd’s keyboard player/vocalist Richard Wright passed away today, there is no truth to the rumors that he was abducted by aliens. I overheard some human speculation today that suggested some other-worldly beings were looking for a talented, experienced musician to jam with them later this week, so they came down to the AlienZoo and took Richard Wright of Pink Floyd fame - or possibly to reunite him with former Pink Floyd frontman Syd Barrett, who definitely was abducted in the late 1960s and replaced by a working clone of himself (just kidding about that last part).
Anyway, I made some calls to verify that just in case any conspiracy theories about Richard Wright’s death would crop up in the next few days.
I will acknowledge that humans and all of us down here in the AlienZoo lost a true source of inspiration in Richard Wright. When they say that Pink Floyd was “first in space” they had no idea how true that really was.
Please don’t feed the conspiracy!
As I understand the rumors, some humans believe that n’er do well “aliens” are heating up the planet on purpose, turning their earth into crock pot for the purpose of making the universe’s largest pot of stew. It’s as if some of these imaginative humans are expecting giant chopped carrots and other vegetables to rain down from the skies along with a variety of tasty seasonings, at which point a super-sized triangle will sound across the universe, summoning an armada of motherships full of hungry aliens with their forks in hand, ready to feast of the earth like an open buffet.
And boy, oh boy will it be delicious.
OK, enough. Aliens aren’t warming the earth. The AlienZoo Organization couldn’t afford to let that happen. The last time we had a major enviropod malfunction, things went wild with the global climate and it froze out the entire AlienZoo exhibit for a really long time. It was a customer service nightmare with all the refunds and angry vacationers who paid to visit the AlienZoo, but only got to see a huge block of ice and snow. If they wanted to see a huge block of wind-swept ice, they could have just as easily gone to the planet Frundra and saved themselves the hassle. We don’t want to deal with that again - whether it’s the ice or the heat.
Seriously.
Please don’t feed the conspiracy!
The most interesting part of all that “Bigfoot in a freezer” news from a few weeks ago was the DNA test that indicated quite a lot of opossum DNA related to that particular frozen Bigfoot.
Sadly, this event confirms what we feared had happened to “Lucky”, our pet opossum here at AlienZoo. You see, he went missing a few weeks back. But despite thousands of posters we put up all over town that showed a picture of Lucky and the caption asking “Have you seen me?”- it turns out he wasn’t so “Lucky” after all.
Lucky was our beloved pet, but like most opossum, he was a loner and he tended to hang out around busy roads. We think he stowed away on a truck or a train somehow, then traveled across the country and ultimately wound up as many opossum do: road kill. Poor, poor Lucky.
A couple humans found him and stuffed his remains inside “Bigfoot”, which they then stuffed in a freezer. The rest is history.
R. I. P. Lucky.
Please don’t feed the conspiracy!
“Will Probe 4 Food” is certainly a sign of the times. Grey or Human, I suppose we all do what we have to do to survive in this rough economy that seems to be engulfing the entire AlienZoo and rippling throughout the galaxy and across the dimensions.
One day, we’re all going to look back on this and laugh.
In the meantime my human friends, why not commemorate these trying times by doing your part to stimulate the intergalactic economy by purchasing your very own “Will Probe 4 Food” t-shirt from the AlienZoo gift shop.
Really, it’s the least you can do.
Click here to get the “Will Probe 4 Food” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!
