İstanbul / Kumburgaz UFO’s and ALIENS ARE BACK in 2008! from fox mulder on Vimeo.

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

The humans are all abuzz about this series of UFO videos out of Turkey. . .As far as videos go, this one is interesting, but if the humans are looking for the most compelling evidence that beings from other worlds walk among them, they need not look any further than YouTube, specifically this guy.

Humans hate telemarketer calls and spam emails. I have also heard that (most) humans dislike probes, particularly of the anal variety.

That got me to thinking. . . perhaps the AlienZoo Organization could start a “Do Not Probe List” where humans and other species within the AlienZoo exhibit could submit their names. Anal probes are not as common now as they once were, but from time to time, a visiting being or two has been known to run some tests and it’s not always enjoyable for the human test subject.

So without further ado, add your name to our “Do Not Probe List” and we will submit your information to the intergalactic “Do Not Probe List” which will (hopefully) prevent a number of unwanted probes.

Fill in your name and email (see above) - that’s it!

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

While it is true that Pink Floyd’s keyboard player/vocalist Richard Wright passed away today, there is no truth to the rumors that he was abducted by aliens. I overheard some human speculation today that suggested some other-worldly beings were looking for a talented, experienced musician to jam with them later this week, so they came down to the AlienZoo and took Richard Wright of Pink Floyd fame - or possibly to reunite him with former Pink Floyd frontman Syd Barrett, who definitely was abducted in the late 1960s and replaced by a working clone of himself.

Anyway, I made some calls to my sources within the AlienZoo Organization to verify that just in case any conspiracy theories about Richard Wright’s death would crop up in the next few days.

I will acknowledge that the humans and the AlienZoo lost a true source of inspiration in Richard Wright. When they say that Pink Floyd was “first in space” they had no idea how true that really was.

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

As I understand the rumors, some humans believe that n’er do well “aliens” are heating up the planet on purpose, turning their earth into crock pot for the purpose of making the universe’s largest pot of stew. It’s as if some of these imaginative humans are expecting giant chopped carrots and other vegetables to rain down from the skies along with a variety of tasty seasonings, at which point a super-sized triangle will sound across the universe, summoning an armada of motherships full of hungry aliens with their forks in hand, ready to feast of the earth like an open buffet.

And boy, oh boy will it be delicious.

OK, enough. Aliens aren’t warming the earth. The AlienZoo Organization couldn’t afford to let that happen. The last time we had a major enviropod malfunction, things went wild with the global climate and it froze out the entire AlienZoo exhibit for a really long time. It was a customer service nightmare with all the refunds and angry vacationers who paid to visit the AlienZoo, but only got to see a huge block of ice and snow. If they wanted to see a huge block of wind-swept ice, they could have just as easily gone to the planet Frundra and saved themselves the hassle. We don’t want to deal with that again - whether it’s the ice or the heat.

Seriously.

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

The most interesting part of all that “Bigfoot in a freezer” news from a few weeks ago was the DNA test that indicated quite a lot of opossum DNA related to that particular frozen Bigfoot.

Sadly, this event confirms what we feared had happened to “Lucky”, our pet opossum here at AlienZoo. You see, he went missing a few weeks back. But despite thousands of posters we put up all over town that showed a picture of Lucky and the caption asking “Have you seen me?”- it turns out he wasn’t so “Lucky” after all.

Lucky was our beloved pet, but like most opossum, he was a loner and he tended to hang out around busy roads. We think he stowed away on a truck or a train somehow, then traveled across the country and ultimately wound up as many opossum do: road kill. Poor, poor Lucky.

A couple humans found him and stuffed his remains inside “Bigfoot”, which they then stuffed in a freezer. The rest is history.

R. I. P. Lucky.

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

Even we Greys go through tough times every now and then. My Uncle Charlie once ran one of the greatest hot dog stands in the known universe. He had the best location, the best prices, and a loyal lunchtime crowd. It was all going well. . .until the day the universe ran out of mustard.

When the Great Mustard Collapse happened, it happened across the universe and it crippled the hot dog industry. After all, you can’t eat hot dogs without mustard! So when there was no more mustard, the hot dog stand suffered. Uncle Charlie tried to push his customers onto the other condiments, but they just weren’t going for it. Ketchup alone just wasn’t enough. Mayo and hot sauce were just weird, and relish just isn’t the same without mustard by its side.

Uncle Charlie learned the hard way that mustard was the key ingredient to his success. These days, you can see Uncle Charlie at his same hot dog stand location. He’s trying new things and hoping that one day the humans within the AlienZoo exhibit will learn and accept their role in the universe. When they do, it will then open the AlienZoo to the entire universe where, among other things, mustard will be one of the hot commodities.

Click here to get the “Will Probe 4 Food” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!