Even we Greys go through tough times every now and then. My Uncle Charlie once ran one of the greatest hot dog stands in the known universe. He had the best location, the best prices, and a loyal lunchtime crowd. It was all going well. . .until the day the universe ran out of mustard.

When the Great Mustard Collapse happened, it happened across the universe and it crippled the hot dog industry. After all, you can’t eat hot dogs without mustard! So when there was no more mustard, the hot dog stand suffered. Uncle Charlie tried to push his customers onto the other condiments, but they just weren’t going for it. Ketchup alone just wasn’t enough. Mayo and hot sauce were just weird, and relish just isn’t the same without mustard by its side.

Uncle Charlie learned the hard way that mustard was the key ingredient to his success. These days, you can see Uncle Charlie at his same hot dog stand location. He’s trying new things and hoping that one day the humans within the AlienZoo exhibit will learn and accept their role in the universe. When they do, it will then open the AlienZoo to the entire universe where, among other things, mustard will be one of the hot commodities.

Click here to get the “Will Probe 4 Food” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Some government agencies are particularly fond of blacking out “secret” information in documents. What are they hiding?

I think it is safe to say that governments don’t like their “secrets” to get out because the truth may be too shocking.

For example, I was snooping around in the office of a certain high ranking official one day and came across one of those “TOP SECRET” files about UFOs and aliens. It read, “U.S. government intelligence agencies unanimously confirm that they wasted substantial amounts of paper and ink on documents related to investigations regarding the possible existence of extraterrestrial beings on Earth.”

The “truth” is most certainly shocking. The humans give their government WAY too much credit in my estimation, and this does nothing to raise the human ID-10-T level.

Click here to get the “Top Secret” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

In my observation of humans, I’ve often wondered what does it really take to become a human leader? I wanted to find out, so I thought I would run for President of the United States of America. Humans refer to this position as “leader of the free world”, so I thought this would be the best leadership position to experience firsthand.

Some of my fellow agents and I thought it would be a good idea, so we got to work. First, we came up with the campaign slogan: “Why not?” Next, we made some signs for people to put in their front yards, bumper stickers for cars, and buttons for humans to wear. Most importantly, we printed up some shirts to make it official!

If there is one thing that I’ve observed in human behavior, it is the power of your appearance on signs and shirts to gain approval with other humans. If you’re on a shirt, you must be good!

Now get out there and vote!

Click here to get your “Gunther for President” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Sheep? Why sheep? I heard some humans talking about this the other day and they seem to think that Sheep are a major target for abductions.

Well, they’re kind of right, and here is the reason: It’s cold in outer space!

A nice sweater made from genuine sheep’s wool is the best way to stay cozy on those long trips across the galaxies. So when agents from the AlienZoo are set to go out on long space journeys, they “borrow” a sheep, take the wool, and make a stylish sweater. Then they put the sheep back where they got it. . .unless of course they’re hungry, in which case they get a sweater and a nice dinner.

OK, that last part was just made up.

But the sheep are usually pretty cool about it. They like to take the ride and get away from grazing for a night, we like the sweaters - everyone wins.

It doesn’t matter where in the universe you’re from – sheep wool makes the best sweaters!

Click here to get your “Ssshheep!” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Among the humans, it is reported and widely speculated that an incident which occurred near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 was the result of an “alien” vessel crashing, leaving some of the vessel’s occupants dead or injured.

At the time, humans were conducting experiments involving weather balloons and crash test dummies in New Mexico. An AlienZoo agent (projecting as a human) was investigating, and in doing so, he was nearly discovered in a restricted area. Human or not, he wasn’t supposed to be where he was, so he hid himself amongst the crash test dummies and waited for a chance to escape.

Unfortunately, the hiding spot he chose was actually a pod that was attached to a weather balloon experiment set to launch. Before he realized it, he found himself floating from a rather high altitude and heading straight for the ground.

His added weight was just a bit more than what the balloon could sustain, which ultimately caused the balloon to drift down toward the ground and crash near the town of Roswell. Fortunately, the agent was not badly injured, nor was he discovered by humans, although human accounts of the incident remain quite controversial. The crash test dummies did not fare so well.

The agent, now retired from AlienZoo field work, is affectionately known around the AlienZoo Organization as the last remaining ’survivor’ of the Roswell crash. I call him Grandpa.

Click here to get your “Roswell Survivor” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Welcome to Gunther’s AlienZoo Log. I am Gunther and I am an agent for the AlienZoo.

This log chronicles my experiences within the AlienZoo exhibit – or what the humans know as “Earth”. More specifically, this is a log of my interactions with the humans. Humans are a fascinating creation and it is my job to interact with them and report what I find back to the AlienZoo Organization. I believe that in order to understand the humans, I have to live amongst them. They see me as one of them because at this point, they are not ready to understand the truth about who I am or more importantly, who they really are.

The entire universe is watching what happens in the AlienZoo exhibit because what happens here may happen to the entire universe!

Please join me in my human adventures where you will learn the real stories behind many of the greatest events in human history – including what happened at Roswell and why sheep are always getting abducted! You can see my collection of photos in my gallery and don’t forget the fantastic AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Click here to get your AlienZoo T-Shirt!