Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

The most interesting part of all that “Bigfoot in a freezer” news from a few weeks ago was the DNA test that indicated quite a lot of opossum DNA related to that particular frozen Bigfoot.

Sadly, this event confirms what we feared had happened to “Lucky”, our pet opossum here at AlienZoo. You see, he went missing a few weeks back. But despite thousands of posters we put up all over town that showed a picture of Lucky and the caption asking “Have you seen me?”- it turns out he wasn’t so “Lucky” after all.

Lucky was our beloved pet, but like most opossum, he was a loner and he tended to hang out around busy roads. We think he stowed away on a truck or a train somehow, then traveled across the country and ultimately wound up as many opossum do: road kill. Poor, poor Lucky.

A couple humans found him and stuffed his remains inside “Bigfoot”, which they then stuffed in a freezer. The rest is history.

R. I. P. Lucky.

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

Even we Greys go through tough times every now and then. My Uncle Charlie once ran one of the greatest hot dog stands in the known universe. He had the best location, the best prices, and a loyal lunchtime crowd. It was all going well. . .until the day the universe ran out of mustard.

When the Great Mustard Collapse happened, it happened across the universe and it crippled the hot dog industry. After all, you can’t eat hot dogs without mustard! So when there was no more mustard, the hot dog stand suffered. Uncle Charlie tried to push his customers onto the other condiments, but they just weren’t going for it. Ketchup alone just wasn’t enough. Mayo and hot sauce were just weird, and relish just isn’t the same without mustard by its side.

Uncle Charlie learned the hard way that mustard was the key ingredient to his success. These days, you can see Uncle Charlie at his same hot dog stand location. He’s trying new things and hoping that one day the humans within the AlienZoo exhibit will learn and accept their role in the universe. When they do, it will then open the AlienZoo to the entire universe where, among other things, mustard will be one of the hot commodities.

Click here to get the “Will Probe 4 Food” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

Among the humans, it is reported and widely speculated that an incident which occurred near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 was the result of an “alien” vessel crashing, leaving some of the vessel’s occupants dead or injured.

At the time, humans were conducting experiments involving weather balloons and crash test dummies in New Mexico. An AlienZoo agent (projecting as a human) was investigating, and in doing so, he was nearly discovered in a restricted area. Human or not, he wasn’t supposed to be where he was, so he hid himself amongst the crash test dummies and waited for a chance to escape.

Unfortunately, the hiding spot he chose was actually a pod that was attached to a weather balloon experiment set to launch. Before he realized it, he found himself floating from a rather high altitude and heading straight for the ground.

His added weight was just a bit more than what the balloon could sustain, which ultimately caused the balloon to drift down toward the ground and crash near the town of Roswell. Fortunately, the agent was not badly injured, nor was he discovered by humans, although human accounts of the incident remain quite controversial. The crash test dummies did not fare so well.

The agent, now retired from AlienZoo field work, is affectionately known around the AlienZoo Organization as the last remaining ’survivor’ of the Roswell crash. I call him Grandpa.

Click here to get your “Roswell Survivor” T-Shirt from the AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Welcome to my ZooKeeper Blog. I am Gunther and I am an agent of the AlienZoo Organization and the head ZooKeeper for the AlienZoo exhibit.

This blog chronicles my experiences within the AlienZoo exhibit – or what the humans know as “Earth”.

All I ask is that you Please Don’t Feed the Conspiracy!

Please join me in my adventures where you will learn the real stories behind many of the greatest events in human history – including what really happened at Roswell, why sheep are always getting abducted, and lots more.

Feel free to check out my image gallery and don’t forget the fantastic AlienZoo Gift Shop!

Click here to get your AlienZoo T-Shirt!