Please don’t feed the conspiracy!

As I understand the rumors, some humans believe that n’er do well “aliens” are heating up the planet on purpose, turning their earth into crock pot for the purpose of making the universe’s largest pot of stew. It’s as if some of these imaginative humans are expecting giant chopped carrots and other vegetables to rain down from the skies along with a variety of tasty seasonings, at which point a super-sized triangle will sound across the universe, summoning an armada of motherships full of hungry aliens with their forks in hand, ready to feast of the earth like an open buffet.

And boy, oh boy will it be delicious.

OK, enough. Aliens aren’t warming the earth. The AlienZoo Organization couldn’t afford to let that happen. The last time we had a major enviropod malfunction, things went wild with the global climate and it froze out the entire AlienZoo exhibit for a really long time. It was a customer service nightmare with all the refunds and angry vacationers who paid to visit the AlienZoo, but only got to see a huge block of ice and snow. If they wanted to see a huge block of wind-swept ice, they could have just as easily gone to the planet Frundra and saved themselves the hassle. We don’t want to deal with that again - whether it’s the ice or the heat.

Seriously.